more to love

Last night I caved in and watched More to Love online. (Sadly, I'm reminded of why canceling my cable was such a good decision.) I like the idea of the show, but it's still the plus-sized version of The Bachelor, with a little added tackiness. For example, the contestants are labeled with their name, height, and weight. I know I'm fat, but if I agreed to be on such a show, do you really have to show my stats to prove I'm fat? Can't you just see that I'm fat?! Ridiculous!

And then there's the idea of calling plus sized women real women. I get what they mean, but at the same time, all women are real women (yes, even the ones I can't stand!). Get it right.

In reading some of the online commentary, I agree. I have no desire to watch a bunch of women cry about being lonely and frustrated because they're constantly judged because of their size. You're on TV for f--k's sake, make a statement! Be bold! Kick ass! Don't screw this up with over-whining because who knows when we'll ever be able to go on TV again?!

At the same time, I sympathize with the tears. Regardless of how bold and awesome you know you are (regardless of your size), a positive plus size body image is hard work. It's an unfortunate symptom of our society that coerces women of all sizes, shapes, and colors to hate themselves. fathlete confession: I completely apologize for the unfair projections here. For my doctoral research I've been reading up on appearance and social value. At one point, did you know that there was such a thing as an ugly law? Yes. An ugly law. Enforced here in San Francisco. As in you could get arrested for being ugly! It's depressing stuff (aaaand it's kinda funny he he heeh! If you have a sense of humor it's kinda funny.). No matter how strong and confident you are, every woman has her weakness. For as much as I can't stand the tears, I definitely relate.

A few years ago I urged my sister to watch Real Women Have Curves. It's one of my favorite movies and I've been known to pop this in my DVD player on a Saturday night or two. When she finally got around to watching it, she told me that she didn't like watching the film. Shocked, I asked why. She said it was because it was too painful. It brought up too many issues from the way we grew up that she would have preferred to forget. fathlete confession: I still don't know what she means by this because growing up, she was the favorite. She was the pretty girl in the 'hood that everyone liked. I'm not kidding. In fact, I distinctly recall one of our cousins telling me he felt sorry for me because I was this fat, ugly kid who could never measure up to her sister. Seriously. Cousins are mean!

I guess this is how I feel about this show. Again, I like the idea of the show. I like seeing women who are over size two and a guy who genuinely likes a woman with meat on her bones. Unfortunately for me, to watch these women share their anxieties about their size in relation to the dating and romance department just hits too close to home. For example, in this first episode, several women shared their stories about going out with friends and feeling invisible, or feeling like the out-of-place fatty. Granted, Walter Kirn's piece on this issue does warm my heart. Yes, I believe whole-heartedly in everything I wrote here. Unfortunately, it doesn't take away moments where I feel invisible or that I just don't measure up. I love people. But I do try to limit nights like this because there's only so much invisibility I can take. Watching the show reminds me of those anxieties. These days, I'll only feed myself things that are good for me.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. But I'll end with this quote that a dear friend shared with me recently:

“Man will always be attracted to the woman who reflects the deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience - or to fake - a sense of self esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer - because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement, not the possession of a brainless slut.”

~ Ayn Rand

The romantic in me leans on the hope that there's some truth to this. The cynic in me says to stop holding my breath...