balls to the walls, bitches!

Before I begin, I must thank Lori for giving me this eggnog cupcake from Sprinkles. Cupcakes are a thing for me. Granted, I can go long periods without them. However, when they're in my presence, I need to have a tiny bite. Since I'm mentally (emotionally and physically) preparing for the Look Better Naked challenge, I decided to split the cupcake with my sister. Oh yummy cupcakes!

Ever since Freddy posted the Look Better Naked challenge, I've been in love-and-panic mode. For the record, I have already agreed to commit to the challenge. However, the whole semi-naked photo thing is freaking the hell out of me! Seriously. It is! It's to the point where I can't get it out of my head. I've thought of 1800 different ways to get out of the photo thing. Freddy says that I can opt out. But that inner voice in me says that I need to take photos because it's part of the rules. So this is the post where I rationalize doing this challenge.

- I'm not in it for the money. Sure having the extra cash is nice. But it's not enough to motivate me to taking a semi-nude photo of myself.

- I'm not in it to actually look better naked. I like me. I like my body. I just feel like my body does not need to be a public affair. Even if I had a body like Cheryl "Girl Crush" T. I'd still keep my body under strict wraps. Really. My body is my business. It really doesn't have to be any of yours!

If it's not about the money and it's not about looking better naked, then what is it about?!

- By my 35th birthday I'd like to get rid of at least one of my diabetes medications. I don't mind the meds, I just prefer to not take them.

- I'd like to huff and puff less. In CrossFit, I don't care about the time I take to finish a WOD or the amount of weight I'm lifting. I just want to feel better doing it. These days I feel like I've been in a plateau... that's lasted about three years. I want to push through that plateau. I don't care if I have to stay in level one forever in order to do it. I just want to feel better doing the WODs.

- I'm hoping that actively changing my body inspires those around me to do the same. Truth is, I'm concerned. It makes me nervous to see my brother struggle to get up from sitting on the couch. I'm concerned about my mom who has recently put on weight because of the blood pressure meds she's taking. I care deeply about my sister whose stress is bottled so tightly that I'd hate to be there when it explodes. I feel like we're all too young to be this damaged!

- I'd like to reach a point where making better food choices is second nature to me. Granted, I'm not willing to completely give up cupcakes or a burger. But I want to crave less junk. Actually, I just want to have a different relationship with food.

- Ultimately, it's about feeling better. It's about getting closer to being the person that I want to be. Period.

I'm realizing that the only problem I have with the challenge is the damn photo. After a good conversation with my chiropractor, he helped me realize that in taking this silly photo, I'm going to have to face some major demons. So be it. If the end result means that I can conquer the latter part of my list, then the actual photo means nothing. Besides, it's just five weeks of my life, right? It's just a photo, right?

So here it goes. I'm doing the f--king challenge. Balls to the walls, bitches! I'm doing it! Photo and all.