ya hear me, Manang Cell Phone?

Dear Manang Cell Phone,

It saddens me that I have to write to you yet again. Though absolutely normal coming from you, your behavior in today's class was completely unacceptable. It's completely inappropriate to answer your f--king cell phone when the class is trying to do a one-legged tree pose. Ya hear me, Manang Cell Phone?! COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE! Granted, I do know better than to expect good behavior from you. Shame on me for coming back to the 8am class. I've had so much fun not having you in the evening class that the sound of your cell phone was a total rude reminder of why yoga is better at night.

Be warned, Manang Cell Phone! I had an extensive conversation with Professora Yoga today and she agrees with me - that you are rude, disrespectful and must be stopped! Shame on you Manang! I'll have you know that Professora will be meeting with you very soon to exchange some strong words. Should your cell phone antics continue, Professora has granted me special permission to throw you out of class. Did you hear me Manang?! I have been officially promoted from yoga student to yoga bouncer. Meaning, I get to throw your old, sorry ass out of class the next time you answer your damn cell phone! Don't tempt me Manang, because I'll do it. I'll throw out an old bitch. I don't care. I've had it up to my eyeballs with your shit! This is war Manang, WAR! Consider yourself warned!

Yours Truly,
The Fierce Runner

p.s. PLEASE stop wearing those low-rise pants to class. I don't care what your teenage granddaughter tells you. They don't go well on a 100 year-old woman. As Whitney says, "Crack is whack!" But crack is even worse when it's old and spoiled!